So I’ve been doing the whole Nutrisystem thing for the last month or so, and lemme tell ya- Dan Marino is full of SHIT, I feel like Ray Finkel. I suppose it works but the food all tastes the same, which is to say- like ass. All of the food for the month comes in a giant box and nothing gets refrigerated, which is a bit ominous when the menu includes items like egg fritatta, chicken salad and “oriental steak” (aka horse). Refrigeration is for PUSSIES. The boldest delicacy on the menu is a bag of brown powder which, after adding water and microwaving, becomes sloppy joes- MAGIC.
But I figure if I’m going to subject myself to the ‘System, I might as well go all in. That’s why I’m going NO BOOZE and NO COFFEE for two months- Memorial Day weekend. I decided to go all Jehovah’s Witness after the realization that I probably haven’t gone more than a day without one or the other in two years. So I figure a two-month break might be worth a shot, and of course I still have my meth and gambling addictions to fall back on if I need a break.
I’m about two and a half weeks into Pino90X and so far, so good. Although admittedly there are times where I feel like Tiger Woods when Jordan and Barkley tell him that they’re going to Vegas for the weekend.
I do plan on making a couple exceptions to the sobriety, for example at Preakness- where I imagine the infield would feel eerily-similar to Auschwitz if you were stone sober. But besides that, the next two months should give me a new, probably-boring perspective to enlighten you with. Fuck me.