To Catch A Predator: Super Bowl Edition!!

As you may have heard, Super Bowl XLV is taking place this Sunday in Dallas. Like the rest of the country, you probably associate Super Bowl Sunday with football, parties, commercials and fun. Well, in quite possibly the most egregiously sensationalist story ever, ABC News is here to tell you that you’re wrong. DEAD WRONG. The Super Bowl is a front for child trafficking and sex trade. The press conferences, the coin toss, the halftime show, they’re all distracting you from the real story this weekend: Pedophiles. And not just Ben Roethlisberger. Read on.

The fear-mongers journalists at want you to know that every Super Bowl weekend, the host city gets flooded with underage prostitutes ripe for the raping. Literally every hotel is sold out in Dallas right now. Oh you thought that was because of the fans and media going to the game? Wrong, the hotels are jam packed with pimps and sexual deviants. Now you know the dark truth. Still somehow excited for the game? Well, let ABC News continue, the bold sentences are actual lines from the story:

“People are thinking of the Packers and the Steelers and the game on the field, having a good time and Super Bowl commercials. Most don’t think about a 12-year-old being forced to dance naked,”

Wow. Just…wow. What a line. Although, I’m pretty sure that that’s the ideal situation, isn’t it? Aren’t the ones who are thinking about the 12-year-old the ones we should be worried about? Picture this scene, Sunday night, 4th quarter, Packers driving down the field:

“Dude that pass was incredible, Aaron Rodgers is a beast.”

“(Thousand mile stare)…what’s that?”

“I said Aaron Rodgers is a beast. Dude what’s your problem you’re not even watching the game.”

“Sex trafficking. Sex trafficking’s my problem”


“Think about it, right now, a 12-year-old girl, or boy, is being forced to dance naked on a…on a table.  Just think about it, bro.”

“Get the fuck out of my living room.”

“During the 2010 Super Bowl in Miami Beach… ‘We know for a fact that we had contact with several girls who were out of state who told us that they came [to Florida] to work the Super Bowl.”

You see that? Literally SEVERAL girls. Get it through your thick skulls people, the Super Bowl might as well change its name to the Raper Bowl or the Mystic River Championship or The Masters. What’s that? They only said “girls”? They didn’t mention anything about them actually being underage? God you’re naive.

Heavy makeup on the girls — perhaps in an attempt to make them look older than they actually are — is a common technique (used by pimps).

And all this time, you thought whores wore lots of makeup simply because they were whores! Nope, it’s because they’re underage. Well, underage or whores.

“The Super Bowl is a traffickers playground,” said Dennis, “You have an influx of money and the party atmosphere.”

Okay, this is where I draw the line. By this logic, Money + Party= Child Sex Trading. If that’s the case then the P in P Diddy must stand for Pedophilia.  How is child rape part of a party atmosphere?? It’s not like a couple guys throwing a party are like “Alright this party’s gotta be sick, we’ll get 4 kegs, make some jungle juice, we’ll have hors d’ oeuvres, a DJ, decorations and a couple 10 year old boys and a smoke machine.”

“Wait, what was that last part?!?”‘

“10-year-old boys and a smoke machine”

“Dude…we can’t afford a smoke machine”.

I’d venture to guess that the kind of setting where child rape takes place is the opposite of a party atmosphere, but that’s just me.

Allen estimates that there are more than 100,000 American kids who are victimized through child prostitution and child trafficking in the U.S. each year.

Seems a bit high doesn’t it? Nancy Grace does 94 straight hours  of coverage  every time a suburban mom goes missing, yet somehow 100,000 kids fly under the radar? And say this figure is accurate. 100,000 kids. There are 49 million Americans between the ages of 6 and 17 in this country. That means that the average kid has a 1 in 45 chance of being a child prostitute by age 18. Seems like we’d have heard about that somewhere before now.

“The typical American citizen hears the term child trafficking and thinks it happens somewhere else, but what we’ve demonstrated is that it is happening on Main Street, U.S.A.,”

Thank you ABC. Before I read your eye-opening and fear inspiring article, I thought the Super Bowl was just a fun opportunity to have a party, drink too much and watch the biggest game in America. But you felt the journalistic need- nay- obligation, to shit on one of the best days of the year by directly associating it with child sex trafficking. Hey I can’t blame you for it, if only…there was some other actual news story that was going on instead…


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