We’re back with your first post of the year- a two-part extravaganza. I apologize for my lack of posts, but I promise it’ll be worth it. Actually I can’t promise that at all. Lower your expectations right now. Okay great let’s begin.
Falcons 45, Bucs, 24: Of the five teams that had the possibility of securing an AFC playoff spot yesterday, the only team to win was the Titans, who somehow still didn’t make the playoffs. The Jets, Raiders, Bengals and Broncos all looked horrible on their biggest games of the season, yet the latter two still made it in by default. It seems like half the teams in the playoffs are going in with absolutely no momentum. The NFC saw the 49ers give up 27 to the Rams on Sunday and the Lions gave up 9,000 yards and 18 touchdowns to Aaron Rodger’s backup. Somehow, the Falcons now look like one of the best teams in the league going into the playoffs, even though just two of their wins have come against winning teams.
The Falcons stormed out to a 42-0 lead just 23 minutes into Sunday’s game and never looked back. If they had looked back, they probably would have seen Albert Haynesworth lying in a pool of his own vomit on the 30 yard line. After Haynesworth joined the 4-4 Bucs on November 10th, Tampa gave up 37 points per game and went 0-8. Prior to ruining Tampa’s season, the Patriots lost their last two games with Fat Albert on the roster, then went 8-0 after cutting him. And of course before joing the Pats, Haynesworth helped the Redskins to a 10-22 record. Albert Haynesworth is the NFL equivalent to watching that video from The Ring.
Cardinals 23, Seahawks 20: I’m inexplicably growing a beard/mustache right now because I’ve never really gone more than a week without shaving so I want to see what happens. I figure that maybe I’ll sprout some magical stubble that turns me into Josh Holloway or something. Well two weeks in, I’m proud to report that it looks just as pathetic and creepy as I imagined. I now question my ability to grow anything even remotely resembling socially acceptable facial hair and yet I refuse to shave, if only to prove to the world that I have the testosterone levels of Demi Lovato. It’s also great timing that I started this quest just weeks after Mo-vember ended, so I not only seem like a douchebag because I look like Chaz Bono fucked an Ewok, but also because it looks like I’m intentionally growing a mustache to spite charity rather than support it. Continue reading
Pino911 